Time has stalled.

Exactly a month ago on this day I flew back from Delhi to Bombay. And as soon as I landed in Bombay I realised I left back a huge part of me I there. I went back home, or so I thought, wrapping up a character who had become one with me. I left behind her garb, her script, her voice ,her lines, her walk and gait. Along with her I left behind loads of people who had become friends. People I met everyday for three months. People i tolerated, some,rather most I liked, and some I had come to love. I left behind the insane marathon pace of the shoot, the intensity and passion that had consumed me for 3 months. I left behind early morning call times and late night wraps. I left behind a lot of goofiness, wise cracks, silly conversations and hysterical laughter. I also left behind the seriousness and gravity which certain moments demanded. I left behind script sessions, black coffees, masala teas, cinnamon and honey. I left behind the intense discussions on each line, each moment. The readings in the van. The scripting sessions in my hotel. I left behind a character that vociferously challenged me as an actor, pushed me to my limits and demanded nothing less than my heart,body,mind and soul. It wasn’t an easy shoot, not physically nor emotionally nor mentally. It exhausted me and consumed me till I was totally spent. This one has been a growing curve for me. It has altered my life in ways I never knew possible when I stepped into it. It struck too close to home. Engulfed me and swallowed me whole.

One does a project gets personally affected by it and inevitably moves on. And then there are some projects which become personal.

This ones become so personal I can’t seem to wash it off me. And I’m convinced it’ll never totally wear off me. It has etched a part deep inside me which can’t be sutured. And I’ll carry it as a medallion inside me.

It demanded and took from me my Honesty, vulnerability, strength, weakness, passion, aggression, commitment, euphoria,joy, sadness and melancholy, anger, rage, frustration, patience and perseverance. A Juxtapose!

An experience that gave me so much and took everything out of me leaving me empty.

And nothing else seems to fill that Vaccum! Never will I guess.