I can’t define the conversation I had wit my sons yesterday.Was it profound, introspective, suggestive, appreciative or criticising I have no clue. 

To give you the gist of it

Me- I may come back in September to Spain.

Son 1- For what?

Me- For the advanced course.

Son 1- For the course or for us?

Son 2- Obviously for us.

Me- You don’t have to see me every weekend if you don’t want to.

Son 1- We like to but you can’t just leave everything back in india and move here because we are here.

Me- I’m coming for 3 months not an entire life. And what makes you think I’m coming back for you’ll?

Son 2- Then what are you coming for?

Me- My art course. I love it.

Son 1- Why are you quitting your career for this new hobby 

Me- Hobby????? This is not just a hobby it’s my passion and you should know it.

Son 2- But you are throwing away your career for this.

Me- What career???? I don’t have a career.

Son 1- You would if you didn’t keep saying no to all the films you are offered.

Me- I say no to those films or roles that don’t excite me.

Son 2- Are you expecting heroine roles. Why don’t you just say yes to mother roles. You are a mother.

Me- I am a mother of a 14 and 15 year old not a 25 and 30 plus years old grown people.

Son 2- But why can’t you just do what you get offered.

Me- Because it doesn’t make me happy.

Son 1- Are you bitter?

Me- No but I’m disappointed with the way my work as an actor has come along and I’m bored of waiting for something worth my while. I’m sick and tired and done with film makers meeting me,praising me to the skies,saying I’m one of the finest actors and yet they won’t cast me in an age appropriate role. 

Son 1- So you have decided to do art.

Me- I love it. I don’t have to be at anyone’s mercy to do any of my art work, it’s my expression and I can do it the way I wish and it excites me enough to dedicate time to it and learn more. 

If anything you should be proud of your mom that at a time and age when she could’ve been complacent and enjoying her comfortable life she has decided to take a plunge into unknown waters and start afresh all on her own without any support. How many people can do it? 

Son 1- Are you doing it to prove a point to someone? 

Me- No I’m trying to prove a point to myself that I can do what ever I set my mind on no matter how difficult it is. And even if it means stepping out of my comfort zone and traveling a road less traveled.

The conversation went on for some more time which I’m not going to replay. But This entire conversation set me thinking. What does everyone think about this. Not that it matters but still I would like to know. 
Do they think of me as a bored housewife who has decided to blow her money on a course instead of expensive bags,diamonds and kitty parties. (because it’s beyond their imagination that this could be a struggle and actually it’s not a cake walk.)

Or do they think “Wow how lucky is she that her husband allows it.” ( because men are the deciding factors in our patriarchal society.)

Or do they think she’s abandoning her responsibilities and going off to be near her kids?

Or is there someone who thinks come what may she will do whatever it takes no matter how difficult to be there for her boys.

And is there anyone at all who actually thinks this is a very brave thing this woman is doing and it’s commendable?

What must they be thinking?????

I want to know.