1999

The Filmfare nominations were announced in the papers. Much to my shock 😱I was nominated for Satya for the best actress in a supporting role category. Was I excited?????💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻 That would be the understatement of the century. I still remember the prep that I put in for the event. Starting from the day I read about it in the papers. Scouted for designers who could make me look like Cinderella without turning me into her poor half.(they were all exhorbitant.) Finally I Found a designer that fit my pocket. We contemplated a million designs and colours for an outfit for the evening🤔🤔🤔. It had to be grand. Finally after much contemplation I agreed on a design. (It was a Chinese collar jacket with pants.🙈Really like what was I aiming to look like???? Jackie Chan???🙄) To be safe I got 2 outfits made,in two drastically different colours. One black and one white. Obviously there was a dirth of imagination and risk taking🤓. Two for safety,just incase one didn’t work out right(and it didn’t.😖neither did actually 🙄but one was the lesser worst than the other.)

I bought new heels after hunting for hours. 🧐And believe me they were as regular as any plain black pair of heels could be. Picked a clutch to go wit it.(again plain black regular.) and accessories too.( they were too inconsequential to remember.)🧐

In my limited capacity and knowledge of dressing up I thought I’d done fine. Not great😃,not good😊,just fine🙂

On the evening of the event I started dressing up a couple of hours before hand I didn’t want to be late. Got my hair done😍(Which looked like Medusa’ by the time I reached the venue🤨.) Wore full on makeup. Checked my invite a 100 times before I stepped out of the house. Powdered my face and touched up my lipstick a thousand times to the venue(I almost looked like MJ.🙈)

And most importantly I wrote,mugged up and rehearsed my speech countless times in my mind,just incase I won.

I was all set,or so I thought ,until I walked the red carpet for the first time. Looking at photographers hounding the stars to get one picture. And the stars at their professional best. Wimen in their gorgeous ensembles and designer wear dripped Of confidence. With One foot out, shoulders raised, chin dipped a perfectly practised side profile and rehearsed yet exuberant smile to lure the cameras. They were pros while I didn’t know which foot to put ahead of the other without tripping😖.

I waited for my turn to be stopped and clicked. I think I was,by one odd sympathetic photographer who I’m sure didn’t know who I was.

I was almost lost when luckily one of the filmfare staff found me and ushered me to my seat.

The show started. Boy was I spellbound. Speechless as I watched the spectacular show. Performances by all the top actors, the stage all lit up in its full glory. The stars walking in one by one. One more beautiful and perfect than the other. It felt like the event of my life. Like the highlight of our much loved fantasy prom at Riverdale . The Bettys and Veronicas all at their best and I felt like Jughead.

But I wasn’t there to walk the ramp I was there for something much more richer and then it came. The most important part of the evening. The announcement of the nominations and awards. I was nominated and that by itself was a high for me. But I wouldn’t lie when I say I was heart broken when I didn’t win the best actress in a supporting role. I jut out my jaw, swallowed a choke,

bit my lip and smiled wider and clapped even louder to show I didn’t care if I lost. But I did care and I was ready to leave but I had to wait for a performance to start so I could sneak out in the dark. Just before the performance I had to go through the torture of some more people winning. And then they announced “Best Actress Critics Award” goes to Shefali. It took me a couple of seconds to register Shefali was my name. Wasn’t I jughead sometime ago???🤔 They must have thought I’d gotten struck by paralysis or gone deaf so they announced again. And it struck me that I HAD WON and not just any award but I HAD WON THE FILMFARE CRITICS AWARD.💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻 ( it’s considered a very prestigious one chosen by the critics themselves.)

I have no memory whatsoever of how I walked on stage. All I remember telling myself repeatedly was ‘don’t fall on your face.’ 🙈And I did listen. I walked up(on my feet not knees) 😅stood as tall as I could in my regular heels, almost politician looking bandgala suit, bad makeup and crazy hair. I said my speech but I don’t remember what I said. And I floated down from stage when I was ushered into the backstage to click pictures for the Filmfare magazine. 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻another highlight of the evening a first for me.After that I went back to my seat,watched the whole show clutching my trophy tight,grinning ear to ear.

I remember coming home with my trophy to a hostile,unhappy,dark and lonely Home and I think I cried thinking ‘why wasn’t one of my biggest moments celebrated.’And yet the high point of that year was the black lady.That was is 1999.

And now 2018.

I flew in a day before the awards.(was out of town shooting) Wasn’t prepared with what I was going to wear,what clothes which shoes. How would I wear my hair, what jwellery, make up, bla bla bla. My friends,my parents and even my husband(who probably wouldn’t register if I wore pyjamas to the Oscars)wwas concerned and worried knowing I hadn’t figured any part of my ensemble. I picked out a skirt I’d gotten some years back from vintage shop in Huston and a plain black chiffon top and beige heels that were worn a million times. I dabbed on some makeup,kohl and gloss. Carried no clutch and didn’t write nor rehearse an acceptance speech. I walked into the venue not at all complexed by my outfit nor my hair. And irrespective of my heels I walked tall holding Vipul’s hand. We were stalled by the photographers for pictures and camera crews for bytes and some we escaped by actually sneaking from behind the standees. We were ushered in to our seats and we sat through the show till they announced my category. “Best actor female in the short film category- Shefali Shah.” I walked up on stage again Praying I don’t trip, received my trophy with my head held high,said exactly what I meant to say and walked off stage like a graceful human and not a paraplegic. I was whisked off for pictures for the next edition of the magazine. As soon as I got out of there Vipul and me left. My one hand held tightly by my husband not so much out of romance but more so to keep me from falling off my vertigo heels and causing an embarrassment🙈🤪. And in my other hand was this rich black beauty that I deserved and I had won.

On our way home my husband suggested many places we could go for dinner and celebrate my victory 😍😍😍but I chose Home😇.

We came home, ordered in,I sipped my wine as we waited for the food. Whilst we changed into our pyjamas the food arrived. Simple food from an even simpler place. We ate,cleared the table chatted and he slept.

And as I lied down in bed allready planning the scenes I had to shoot the next day I felt proud of myself, confident and self content. And it had nothing to do with my clothes or shoes or hair or how I looked or how I was dressed for one of the biggest award functions of the industry. Or how many pictures and interviews they took of me. I cherish the trophy and feel privileged to own it but I also realised, it ONLY AND ONLY had to do with me.

And I figured it wasn’t the glass slippers that made Cinderella.

It was the other way around.