Today yet again I’ve become empty. The house is lonely and quite and nothing can make it full. Not the music not the flowers. Not the sounds and sights from the square nor my art. Just nothing fills this Vaccum. My babies left yet again. Albeit just for a week and they’re an hour and half away and I can see them anytime I wish and yet it hurts within. It hurts like hell. Even after all this time Nothing and I mean nothing prepares me to let them go. It’s a physical stripping away of all my strength. It unravels me with such vengeance its painful. Excruciatingly painful.

I Just dropped my babies back to the academy. 

My babies,my heart my soul my life. They were here for the weekend and they made this house a home. Immediately it transformed from a spick and span and almost clinical well organised apartment to a home. Shoes and socks thrown about,wet towels on the floor,bags strewn around, and two lazy beautiful boys sprawled on the bed and sofa,sun shining on their beautiful faces and yet not shining as bright as them. They’re still connected to their phones,and still can’t hear but they were here.

It was so heart warming to see them laze around doing nothing, chatting and having them reluctantly helping me cook and clean. It was satiating to watch them eat hot phulkas and dosas I cooked for them. It was amusing to watch them style their hair and check their abs and joyous to hear them sing the songs they introduced me to and to groove along with them. It was even entertaining to hear them irritate eachother. And argue and rag and laugh. To hold them and kiss them and ruffle their hair and feel their faces. And they let me do it to my hearts content. And so fulfilling to hear them going “mom give us this.” And we want that mom.” And just “mom,mom,mom”

Mom,mom,mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes my bachhas, my babies my sunshine and my life…… god how sorely I miss you’ll. I don’t even know how I live without you’ll. each day each moment is only and only about you. 

It’s so unfair,Why do we have to cut the umbilical cord, why then when you’ll were born and why now again and again. When you are and will always be a part of my flesh and blood and heart how and why am I expected to live without you and why should I???

I can’t and I won’t cut this umbilical cord ever but it’s just that my babies have wings. And I all I can do is wait for them to return so I can nestle into them again