Loneliness doesn’t leave me alone. It doesn’t let me down. It creeps up stealthily as the night dawns. Bringing back nostalgia and cravings for something familiar.I talk to my family,I chat with my friends I even see them all. But yet finally as the dark spreads,so does loneliness. Like the chill that’s in the air. Conflicting not comforting. 

I have packed my evenings with a schedule. Walk. Walk for an hour sometimes two sometimes till my feet tire and it starts getting dark when I need to get back to the security of closed doors. Once home I clean. I clean all that needs cleaning and all that doesn’t. I clean obsessively. The floors the clothes the vessels the bathroom. And while I clean I listen to music. Instrumental. Not any with lyrics. Even though I have carried my favourite music,Jagjit Singh,R.D.Burman, Gulzar,Ghalib,Guide I dare not listen to them. I dread the nostalgia that may hit,too hard to get up. I love cooking but I don’t cook. There’s no fun cooking for myself nor eating alone. I shower and then lie in bed reading and awaiting slumber. 

I have been a big fan of “Me time.” But as long as it’s not with me. I guess some people are just not built that way. I am one of those. I can’t live being happy with just myself. My joy comes from others around me. No I’m not sad, not atall. In fact I’m lucky to have taken this chance and more so for having everyone’s support so I could take it head on. 

But, The fact is I get lonely. Very lonely.